It’s known that writing is therapeutic for many individuals. Writing enables you to get in touch with your feelings, your thoughts, both good and bad. For some, including myself it is much easier to write words down on a piece of paper rather than to voice my feelings and thoughts to another person. Even though I am sober now, I still feel more comfortable writing. A letter is personal. No one else even has to know about it. Writing a letter to addiction can clear your mind of all the horrible things you have done, the people you have hurt, and the pain that you have had to bear. When you get sober or are sober now – it’s a way to get those secrets out. To clear your mind of the guilt and shame you are still carrying around.
Write your own letter to addiction. It can be long or short, doesn’t matter. Once you start to write, the words will simply flow. Writing a letter to addiction will help you better understand your addiction and why you need to choose or why you chose recovery. Writing this down will help you in your sobriety. Trust me, give it a try.
My Letter To Addiction
There used to be a time when you were my best friend, my lover, my partner, my higher power, my universe.
You made me think I was amazing, unstoppable, even invincible. The feeling you gave me, words will never describe.
You, addiction will be a part of me, always and forever. Isn’t that what you wanted? I will never be able to forget you.
You took me places that I never imagined. You continued to take me places that I didn’t want to go. Places where no girl should ever be.
You never took me any place nice.
We lost our home. We had to resort to being homeless and living under a bridge. You were alright with that. Truth be told, it was what I wanted at the time too. There was no rent to pay, no bills, no worry of being evicted. We didn’t have to share our dope.
Of course, we had no food, electricity, showers, or the essentials required for living. I couldn’t take it anymore but, you were satisfied. We had our drugs. That’s all we needed at the time.
Together, you and I. That’s it, no one else. Any other person that made their way into our life was nothing more than a simple pawn. A person to supply us with what we needed.
I lost my friends, my family. I even gave up my children for you. My children? Little babies that needed their mother but, I chose you. Still, for you, that was not enough,
I tried to break up with you, time and time again but, each time I failed miserably. I always came right back and there you were. Waiting with open arms and that devilish grin.
As time went on, it was clear to see what you really were. A narcissist that had complete power and absolute control over me. You were convincing, I give you that. I felt as if I was nothing. You were all I had so, I obeyed your every command. I listened to every thought you put in my head. Even though my insides trembled everytime I fulfilled a request.
You had me lie, steal, manipulate others, sell my body, and do everything and anything to get what it was we wanted. To get the thing I desired most. The thing that kept us alive and kept me glued to you. The drugs.
Thankfully, after what seemed like a lifetime, I finally awoke from my drug induced slumber. Although it seemed impossible to do, I did it. I left. I finally left you behind and moved on.
Now, I have a new life with recovery. I am clean and sober now. I spend all my time with recovery and learning how to cope without using drugs.
Yet, still, you will not leave me alone. How come every time I decide to move on, you can’t stand it? Addiction, you have so many other relationships. You have numerous people that will never leave your side. Why can’t you just leave me be?
Even though I am sober now, you are still lingering in the back of my mind, in my thoughts, in my dreams, and I wake up screaming at night with nightmares of you.
They told me you would never leave easily. Everyone who helps me or has been in a relationship with you has told me how hard it is to permanently walk away. They are right.
I will be fighting for the rest of my life not to take you back. I will be fighting for my new life in recovery because it is that much better being sober now. My relationships are now healthy, my children need me, I am beginning a career, I am healing and I am happy. I’ve been able to truly embrace life without you. Sober is better. Living a life in recovery is remarkable.
You told me I didn’t deserve to live, to be happy. You said I didn’t deserve respect or love. Recovery has opened my eyes. Sober now, I am finding myself, I am able to discover who I truly am. He shows me that I deserve to be happy and to have it all.
I do love you and a part of me always will. That is why I can never say hello or see how you are doing. Right now, I am not strong enough to see you nor do I want to. In fact, I will stay away from you forever.
The relationship we shared was not love. It was not one of mutual respect and understanding. I never want to go back to living like that again.
I am sober now, living my life, and working a program of recovery. It is where I should be. The only regret I have is that it took me so long to get here.
This is goodbye and I pray that you stop and quit moving on to the next individual. Don’t make anyone else suffer as you did to me.
Addiction you are a disease. All that’s left to say is never again, never again will I go back to you.
This is the first letter to addiction I wrote. I wrote it as a breakup letter. Think about it. Your drug addiction is your other half. It never leaves your side. When I decided to get clean and work the program, I broke up with my addiction and chose to live sober in recovery. That is only one way to view it. You can write your letter any way you choose. Have you started writing your letter to addiction? I promise it will not only ease your mind of the lingering thoughts you have but, writing this letter is also a major step in working on your own recovery. You are headed in the right direction. Keep up the good work and don’t give up now. The miracle is happening.